Michael Savage: Bigot

Michael Savage: Bigot t-shirt.

Here, I'll let him explain for himself (including the quote at the bottom of the shirt):

"In fact, Christianity has been one of the great salvations on planet Earth. It's what's necessary in the Middle East. Others have written about it, I think these people need to be forcibly converted to Christianity [...] It's the only thing that can probably turn them into human beings. [...] Smallpox in a blanket, which the U.S. Army gave to the Cherokee Indians on their long march to the West, was nothing compared to what I'd like to see done to these people." - Michael Savage, Savage Nation, May 12 2004

Rush Limbaugh: Draft Dodger; Henry Kissinger: War Criminal

Rush Limbaugh: Draft Dodger t-shirt

It's kind of amazing to consider that for all his pro-war bluster and all his bullshit "Swift Boat" attacks on Vietnam Vet John Kerry in the 2004 election, Rush Limbaugh himself managed to find a way to avoid being himself drafted into that war (for which Kerry, I might add, volunteered).

Rush's excuse for being passed over? A pilonildal cyst on his ass.

At first, Rush avoided the draft because he was a college student, but then he dropped out of school, at which time he suddenly found himself staring down the barrel of Uncle Sam's finger. No problem! A trip to the doctor unearthed the previously unknown pilonidal cyst (essentially a large boil that must be surgically removed-- search the term in youtube and see how fast you can find something to make you barf) that rendered him 1-Y (a precursor to the term 4-F).

Funny thing, though-- he went on to spend the rest of his career sitting on his ass and expounding about the cowardice of guys like him who found a way to avoid serving. Or better yet, the cowardice of decorated vets like John Kerry. I couldn't make this up, folks!



Henry Kissinger: War Criminal - Still At Large t-shirt

Remember when Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon were breaking about every law in the book to support coups against democratically elected governments, waging undeclared war on various countries, building up Latin-American death squads, planning political murders, and napalming civilians? You don't? Well, next time you see him, ask Kissinger why he'll be arrested if he sets foot in Spain or Chile again!

War-Mongering Draft-Dodgers, a Field Guide

War-Mongering Draft-Dodgers t-shirt

Featuring:
George W. Bush, Cheney, Jeb Bush, Delay
Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Savage, Robertson
Romney, Bolton, Gingrich, Giuliani

Seems like all the most prominent pro-war characters in America share a dirty secret-- none of them have served in the military or actually seen, heard, or experienced war in any way. For characters like Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, and Ann Coulter, this is perplexing, since all were of age to have volunteered to serve in the first (or second!) Gulf Wars. If they were so in favor of America's desert adventures, how come they stayed home? But everyone has a choice, and maybe they happened to have better things to do just then. The characters on this shirt, however, are even more slippery-- at a time when Americans were being drafted by the thousands and being sent to Vietnam, all managed to find some excuse that allowed them to be passed over in favor of some other young Americans who then went to fight, and quite possibly die, in their place.

Makes you wonder how they got so fond of war as a means of solving problems, doesn't it?

Newt Gingrich: Philanderer; Ayn Rand: Creep; John Galt: Douchebag

Newt Gingrich: Philanderer t-shirt

Like so many of the conservative "pro-marriage," "pro-family" crowd, Newt Gingrich (former speaker of the house and author of the Contract On America) has never felt like those rules applied to him. For example, when he got his first wife to sign divorce papers while she was still in the hospital recovering from chemotherapy so he could marry his mistress. Not to rest on his laurels, he cheated on his ex-mistress-now-wife DURING the Clinton impeachment hearings, in which he and his cronies tried to drive Clinton out of office with the argument that someone who cheats on his wife isn't fit to govern. You know, I might happen to agree with that statement, provided we could apply it across the board...


Ayn Rand: Creep t-shirt

Hey everybody, it's Ayn Rand, who's responsible for the farcical "political philosophy" that says that if you're rich, it must be because you're an awesome person that does wonderful things for the benefit of everyone (after first benefiting yourself). The rich are the engine that drives society, the people who work to make their money are just parasites sucking at the teat of the genius of the wealthy, and selfishness makes the world go round. No where in this "philosophy" does Rand find room to consider that self-interested profiteers might do things that hurt everyone, apparently because only socialists would do that sort of thing. Everything that sounds like socialism is evil to Rand, however. If it were up to her, we'd have to pay protection money to the fire department to guarantee they'd come save us when our houses caught fire. She's a real creep.

John Galt: Douchebag t-shirt

And John Galt, hero of Rand's novel Atlas Shrugged and idol to a bunch of idiots who hate Obama, is a total douchebag. Buy this shirt for any moron you know who's "going Galt" by, uh, not stimulating the economy? Or whatever it is they think they're doing.

Bill O'Reilly: Degenerate

Bill O'Reilly: Degenerate t-shirt

I could call this guy a moral degenerate based on his horrific political opinions alone (not to mention the fact that he's crushed legitimate political discourse on television into a stinking pulp in favor of shouting and cutting people's mics off), but have you read his thriller Those Who Trespass? The guy's a total creepy perv. I know, who knew, right?

Oliver North: Drug-Dealing Gun-Runner

Oliver North: Drug-Dealing Gun-Runner t-shirt (featuring original mug shot!)

Hey, that guy's on the radio too! Just like G. Gordon Liddy! And just like G. Gordon Liddy, he totally and incontrovertibly broke the law by selling guns to Iran (America's enemy, remember?) and secretly funneling the profits in to support for the Nicaraguan Contras, a right-wing guerrilla group which the United States congress had voted in 1982 to cease supporting.

North was convicted but his conviction was overturned due to some amazing legal slight-of-hand, so today he gets to tell people he isn't a felon even though he did commit all those felonies, and he gets to go on Radio America pretending that he doesn't oppose most of the stuff America originally stood for!

Unlike G. Gordon Liddy, however, Oliver North actually planned to suspend the constitution of the United States of America! See below.



(oh, and he NEVER warned Congress or anyone about Osama Bin Laden, in case you've heard that one. Conservatives made that up, naturally.

America: Accept It or Improve It.

America: Accept It or Improve It t-shirt.

We've been hearing this "love it or leave it" bullshit all our lives, but the simple fact of the matter is that if you love something, you care enough to maintain it, to work on it, and improve it if it starts to fail at what it's supposed to do. Your other option is just to accept it. Did anyone tell the Tea Party people (the first ones, or the more recent nuts) to "love it or leave it"? There's no reason you should put up with that bullshit excuse from anyone either.

I Used to be a Republican...

I Used to be a Republican t-shirt

Hell, we all make mistakes sometimes, but the best thing about mistakes is when you learn enough to correct them. And the great thing about reading is that you can learn stuff-- like what's in the Bill of Rights, for example.

Reagan: Not Dead Enough.

Ronald Reagan: Not Dead Enough Yet t-shirt

Offensive? Sure it is. It's totally about one one-hundred-thousanth as offensive as, say, supporting the overthrow of democratically-elected governments in Latin America, or trading arms for hostages and selling guns to America's enemies to fund illegal wars, or cutting the funding to asylums so the nation's streets filled up with homeless people with mental illnesses, or stoking America's poverty crisis in a thousand other ways while giving billions of dollars in tax cuts to the ultra-wealthy, dismantling the systems that protected American citizens from corporate monopolies, and generally turning this into a country by the rich, for the rich, at the expense of the poor. So long as he read his lines properly and reminded us once again to "win one for the Gipper," we could all forget that he was slashing America to pieces. Reagan's dead, but his scumbag policies live on. Wear this shirt to tell people it isn't over yet.

Dick Cheney: Still just "Dick" to me.

Richard "Dick" Cheney t-shirt.

Isn't amazing how Dick Cheney came designed to be called precisely what you want to call him? Maybe there were a few good things about the Bush administration after all!

G. Gordon Liddy: Felon.

G. Gordon Liddy: Felon t-shirt

This is the shirt that gave me the idea of making all these shirts in the first place. I was working around the house the other day and my mind wanders, the way it does when you're doing little chores. For some reason, the subject it wandered to the subject of G. Gordon Liddy and the fact that he has a talk show in this country that people listen to.

Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but the man didn't just break the law-- he broke the law trying to subvert the very fabric of the American democratic system itself. He was involved in committing crimes to attempt to assist in dismantling the two-party system in this country in order to help Nixon and his gang achieve a level of power they didn't deserve (he also admits having planned to kill investigative journalist Jack Anderson because, you know, he exercised the first amendment to criticize the crimes of the Nixon administration-- that unpatriotic jerk!). As far as I'm concerned, this isn't just a simple crime-- it's treason, and the man is a traitor. Yet you can hear G. Gordon Liddy on Radio America, six hours a day, Monday through Friday, acting as though he's not a man who hates America and everything the constitution of this country stands for (except for the guns part-- that part's okay). G. Gordon Liddy is a 100% unamerican traitor and we owe it to people around us to remind them that he's a felon. When someone asks, as they no doubt will, what it was he did again, you can remind them that he tried to unravel the system that underpins this free society.

Hell, call his radio show! He could use a bit of the truth. Just remember to sound like a right wing nut when they screen the call so you can get on the air-- they won't let you on if you sound like you don't answer the door with your gun in your hand.

Hey there (a greeting-slash-junior-manifesto).

I hear it's a new dawn and everything since Obama got elected. Some day soon the Republicans might even stop pretending he's not an American citizen (though likely to start campaigning to give non-Americans the right to the presidency and running Schwarzenegger for the office). The fact of the matter is, even though the USA might seem on the surface to have become somewhat more liberal, we're still the victims of the most poisonous conservative ideology in the Western world.

Every day we endure the array of subhuman opinions that pass for "mainstream" in this country-- whether it's the American Taliban extremists posing as Christian Evangelists, the robber barons whose gluttonous greed we'll be paying the cost of for the rest of our lives, the hard-core bigots who have besmirched the name of "the American family" in the pursuit of their gay-baiting, or the heavily armed libertarians who believe that every American should be free to be exploited and shit on (by them). Most of us, being liberals, figure, hey-- we're the nice guys. We stand on the side of decency; we believe in fairness, in decency, in recognizing the evils of greed, bigotry, and inequality in this country and trying to set them straight. Even if we're outraged by the rape of this nation by the subliterate venom of these scumbags, we can't let anybody know except in our usual passive-aggressive little ways.

Fuck that. There's good reason for liberals to be angry, and there's good reason to make it plain. We know who our enemies are-- it's easy to see them, since their bosses own the majority of the media in this country and make sure to prop them up in every newspaper, on every TV station, and on every notch of the radio dial, retching up their bilious lies (and always claiming it's the LIBERAL MEDIA, folks, who are really the problem).

But just because they own the media doesn't mean they outnumber us. We're a decent people and many among us are fed up with this bullshit. And just because the Republican party is reeling from getting its ass handed to it in the 2008 election doesn't mean that they're going to go away, even for a second. It doesn't mean we're going to stop hearing ten of their opinions for every one of ours, and it doesn't mean that the most extreme reactionary opinions will stop being presented as "the political center."

So I've started this little t-shirt thing as a means for one person, plus a few more (that's you), to try and shift that political center a little bit back to the left by giving the option of expressing liberal opinions as loudly and angrily as we believe them. I'm in no mood for pulling punches from the crooks, liars, bigots, creeps, and scumbags who dominate the national discourse, and I wager that neither are you. So I'm doing it in a simple, American way-- stop by this site, check the shirts out, have a laugh if you like them, buy them if you REALLY like them.

Wearing a t-shirt won't change the world or the country or your life. But it does let off a little bit of steam while you're out trying to do all that other stuff, or even if you're in line at the supermarket behind a guy still wearing his Dubya'04 t-shirt like it'll bring that simian excuse for a national leader back. So here you are. Hope you like them.